So the stoopid thought creeped in today - THE THOUGHT - the one that whispers 'it's easier if you don't wake up'. I hate that thought. I hate looking at it. I hate seeing it's existence and hate even more knowing it's not the real me conjuring up those words. Its the damnedest thing to explain and man to I feel sorry for those that hear that thought and act on it. It's a mind trick. It's a glitch in the control panel.
A captain who knows his ship, has complete and utmost faith in what it can do, regardless of what the engineer says. Winter is my glass half empty engineer.
I also had a moment today where i felt like me, it was fantastic. Oh Ya. That's me right there in the moment loving the day as it is, cool, damp, melting and dark but it was exhilarating. It was also at the bottom of a bottle of wine. Fack. I'm at the balancing point and need to stop depleting the reserves of the D.
I promise to explain this later - - i know the phsyiological things going on - but right now. I want another glass of wine and a surfer movie on tv.
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