Not another New Year's Resolution

Remember me telling you I spent years in the bar and restaurant industry?  Decades actually.  For those of you that don't already know it.

New Year's Eve is a joke

A cash grab of high expectations, over marketing, over pricing, incredible inconvenience and undue pressure on any and all involved.  Trust me, I was one of the ones that built the parties and created the hype that made you think you needed a new dress, hair done, a date AND a two or three hundred dollar ticket to ring in the new year.

And then! Everyone makes resolutions that considering the time of year and the last two weeks of indulgence makes them very hard to keep. The concept is not built to be effective and often results in feelings of failure when one doesn't succeed. All things that do not make NYE a friend to those with Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Ugh, this wasn't meant to be a rant about New Years. 

This was meant to be 'If you INSIST on making a resolution, make this one' speech. 

Start a gratitude journal.
Start today.

Keep it by your bed or by the coffee maker or in the bathroom.
Just start one and write in it.
Do it, because I said so.

Wanna know why?

Because I think it's the best psychological  tool I have in my SAD sack. Swear.
I started mine a couple summers ago, (I know, that's not new years, sue me) when there was no sight of Seasonal Affective Disorder and the glass is always half full.  Gratitude could flow from me and it's easy to appreciate my charmed life.

The best part of my gratitude journal is reading it when I'm in a SAD funk. When I hate my life and the world I live in and wish that I don't wake up in the morning (I'm not exaggerating, there really are days like this)
The journal reminds me of the 'other' me. The real me. It is the light at the end of the tunnel (and it's not the proverbial train)  In I was reading it this morning, and found an entry from last February.

"I am grateful that I took the time in days past to make all these observances of a wonderful world. The me of today thanks the me of yesterday very, very much"  Pretty sweet eh?

That's it. A little book, with all your happy thoughts.
Not another resolution - a way of life. (no pun intended, but I'll take it)

All the best to you and yours in 2012

Practice what you preach

While yammering on the phone with my Bestie yesterday...hmm let me rephrase that.
While on the phone with my Bestie yesterday and bitching about this, that and everything else.
Two things happened.
1) I realized I was well into a downward spiral
and
2) It appears I am very funny while in that (this) place, as she puts it "you should have your own radio show when you're moodin' like this."

Awesome. *shaking head*
The phrase "can't win for loosin" screams across my thoughts.

I haven't worked out over a week.

8 days actually. 

8 fucking days. 

I'm an idiot. 

I know, I know.  I talk a good game, but the fucking holidays and traveling, and house guests and and and excuse excuse excuse.

Then it snowed and dropped to -16C  UGH

The glass is half empty, everyone is either stupid or an asshole or a stupid asshole, nothing is reasonable and my poor Dood just doesn't know what to do.   I'm days away from a crash and burn, self medicating mess on the couch. (and NO I am NOT p.m.s.ing)

*shaking head*  8 fucking days - I really am an idiot sometimes. *exhale*

The good news is, that even after my fair share of last nights bottle of wine, there was 50 minutes of cardio this morning and if I get another 45-50 in later today, maybe I can nip this in the bud. 

And if I can't, anyone know how to get into radio?

Forget the Sappy Chick Flick

Chick flicks breed depression.

It's true.

I said so. 

Miserable ugh-i-hate-my-life-when-is-something-good-going-to-happen-to-me kind of depression. And if you think  relaxing with a glass of wine, watching a sappy movie is 'comforting' think again. Double whammy depression between movie and wine...in fact don't be surprised if you finish the bottle and cry yourself to sleep.

I avoid 'romantic comedies' as I would a close-talker with bad breath.

Surfer movies is where it's at 

(and/or movies filmed in Hawaii, or tropics or heck anywhere where it's green,blue & warm)

It's true.

I said so.

Trade in that unattainable plot of sappy chick flick for a 'you can do it, look how awesome nature is, lookit those negative ions, all that sun, sand and blue sky movie.
Sounds much better already doesn't it?

I figure (read: logically deduce) that there is something going on with the visuals that trigger some sort of happiness hormone(?) in my noggin'. Or, perhaps, just the visual reminder that there is sunshine in the world, it's just not 'here'. I'm pretty sure that the plot has little to do with it as I find I'm watching the scenery as opposed to actually getting into the movie.
I know - this provides the room for argument that a chick flick set in hawaii will work mood magic...but...I highly doubt it. I won't be the one to do the experiment. Feel free and let me know how it goes.

I have a small library of go-to movies that fit the feel-better need.  I invite you, fellow SAD sufferer (SADufer?) to  try one or two on for size.  At the very least, you will discover great places to vacation.

Try and tell me you don't feel better after watching this!  

More -

Blue Crush (1&2)
Flow - The Story of a Surfing Revolution
Five Summer Stories
and of course Endless Summer

others with great tropic scenery..
(i know, some edge on chick flick, but I argue a predominate male lead, negates the chickness)

50 First Dates
Tropic Thunder
Forgetting Sarah Marshall 
The Beach 
Finding Nemo


Embrace your inner surfer - Find a surf movie or two for you

Hang Loose I say. Hang Loose

The PGX Experiment

A little bit of personal background on me.
I'm fascinated with human machine. It's design, it's use, its commonalities and differences. It's natural mutations, for both perceived 'good' and 'bad'. The maintenance of the machine and its control panel (body and brain) are all in my realm of knowledge. In fact at one point, I was a certified fitness instructor and I am still a bona fide geek.

 I am a font of useful physiological information.

 I am also somewhat lazy.

I am the proud owner of a metabolism that runs like molasses in January AND I suffer from SAD - so though I'm smart enough to know what the machine needs, the control panel often overrides and self medicating on the couch is not an uncommon event during the winter months.

Ugh - It's enough to make me hate myself (or at least my machine) during the dismal days of effin winter.
(I did at one point 'run-away' from winter to a sub-tropical isle, but that's another story, and we'll get to that sooner or later)

So, with that said.
A lot of things I've got in my SAD Sack-o-tools are results of experiments conducted by me, to my machine, by deducing similarities in physiological results and reactions either due to Seasonal Affective Disorder, depression, emotional changes, physical side effects of diet, supplements and external factors.

I also am NOT a fan of popping a pharmaceutical 'solution' - I believe that in many cases they cause more harm than good. (In a winter of desperation, I did try a little helper by the name of Prozac. It was not my friend, it did not help and we can talk about that later)

Now, back on point.
This winter has a new experiment, that seems to be going quite well. I need to do more research and actually need to follow through until March, but so far, so good.

While pedaling my way to endorphin  happiness I spied fitness guru Kathy Smith (love her) on Breakfast Television talking about her book and various other things.   She simply mentioned PGX.  I Googled.

Turned out that PGX as a weight management supplement could and should (in my opinion) help with some of the seasonal side effects from SAD.  The carb craving, desire to over eat, sugar imbalances and thus mood imbalances, could all be helped by PGX. I read on, there were no stimulants, it was high in fibre, invented in Canada (this meant a lot to me), and all in all had few side effects and regardless if it produced weightloss, In my opinion should help with my SAD.
So, I bought some.
I am pretty sure it's working.   I sure don't seem to have the mood highs and lows (GI fluctuation, carb binging, sugar spike shitness of winter). In fact, my internal demon which repeats "I want bread, I want potatoes" is silent. Honest.

It could be placebo effect,

But I don't think so. 

The machine is behaving differently

Control panel diagnostics say so

My experiment will continue, I'll keep you posted. 

I'm also going to contact PGX to see what they know. 

Now for the record. I am NOT taking PGX with hopes of weight loss. I AM taking PGX to see if I can avoid the usual weight gain that comes with my ESS.AYE.DEE.

One down, one to go

I wish Christmas was in the summer. For real. It would make more sense, after all Jesus was born in July or something like that. I understand the want to celebrate and gather during the short days and the long standing traditions of winter solstice (I'm not gearing up for a theological discussion, in fact it's the LAST thing I want to discuss) 

But it would be awesome for me if Christmas was in July.

The gatherings of friends and family kick crap out of me, the SAD seems to suck 3 times as much energy just to be social, let alone entertaining. inquisitive and um.. nice.

It would be straight truth for me to say, I would rather stay home and putter than force myself to these gatherings. If friends or family read this, DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY. It's not about you. 

Regardless, I muster the momentum and follow the smell of turkey and remind myself of the 'rules' the whole way there.  

For you, fellow sufferer, et me recap.

Alcohol this time of year is BAD - have very little - (a glass with dinner should suffice)

Mash potatoes, buns, stuffing - BAD - have little to none, (I ALWAYS cave with the stuffing and gravy, but hey, it's stuffing and gravy)

Sweet treats - ya, those are BAD too - just starts the sugar/mood coaster.  

(In theory PGX should help all this 'wrong' intake, but I'm not ready to experiment with the machine this year, I don`t feel like using the hard way to finding out where the limits exist)

Bed Early - a few late nights can really, really wrench the system, so careful. Tying to pull yourself out of the funk in January is a true bitch of a job

Take your vitamins - simple rule, just follow it

Exercise - I know, I know, hard to do when away from home and with many gyms being closed, but get creative. (I find this to always be the hardest to accomplish and will admit, my batting average is very, very low)  I try to be sure and meditate instead - meditate on a visual of a tropical beach with the sun and the sand.  *shrugs* it works.

There, that`s the end of my lecture.

Luck to you and Merry Christmas.

Now pass the turkey.

**oh while cruising some other blogs - I came across this http://fightingthedarkness.blogspot.com/2011/12/fighting-stress.html

She does a great job of detailing the sugar affects. 

MMMM Vitamin Barf

I've got an arsenal of vitamins and supplements in my

  SAD Sack-o-tools 

The ever so precious Vitamin D
B complex (mood adjuster)
An awesome multi-vitamin 
Fish oil (cause it's good for me, and you)
Milk Thistle (for the 'self medicating' days)
Glucosamine with MSM (this I try and take all year, that could explain the absence of joint issues)

This winter I'm trying something new. I added PGX to the mix to see if I can keep the carb and 'always hungries' away.  So yes, another experiment with 'the machine'  I'll fill you in in a post or two. (so far, so good!!)

3 of the first, 1 of the second, 2 of the third and forth, 2 Gluco and now 2 or 3 PGX (3x a day) and then a milk thistle or two if needed.
This morning - as I type this - I'm looking at 11 pills to be taken in the very near future.
And though I know they're good for me and they do wonders for my state of mind

I am always a little trepidatious.

There is always the chance of the dreaded Vitamin Burps and then every once in a while there is total vitamin revolt.

Vitamin Barf happens

Yesterday, there was Vitamin Barf - MMMMM awesome. So for those of you who have never experienced this, let me share.  Often with such a large selection of vitamins there will be a couple or three vitamin burps, a lovely kickback that smells and tastes like ick, but it's par for the course and seldom creates an issue.

Vitamin barf on the other hand drives me nuts. There's no rhyme or reason. I've systematically repeated conditions to see if I could MAKE it happen and nothing happens. Daily I ensure there is both water and absorbent(s) (aka food) in my belly. And I never take them in one big handful. In theory all systems should be go.

But holy shit - when they want to kick back, one has about 3 breaths to get to some form of receptacle.

First Breath "hmm something doesn't feel right in there"

Second Breath "just breathe deep, it will pass"

Third Breath "ruh-oh there's that 'mouth' feeling"

By now - I'm on the move

and out it comes. 

The crappiest part. Looking in the bowl and thinking, 'goddam, I have to take ALL those again'. *sigh* 

I do suppose there is good news, I've never had a case of the double barf....

(now see that: if it wasn't for the SAD sack-o-tools - that last sentence would not exist - there would only be the 'glass half empty version and the world would be ending)  

Sleepy Sleeperson

Early to bed

Early to rise

Keeps me, from punching you,

Right between the eyes.

Just kidding.
Sorta.

With a long history of working in restaurants, bars and nightclubs I developed, not surprisingly, the habits of a night owl. In hindsight, (that's always 20/20 ya know) I think living that night life may have kept some of my SAD symptoms at bay. By living and working a fast paced life in the dinner and club hours, my machine may not have known the days were dreary and dark, and when the long nights were at their peak, I was smack dab in the middle of the busy season, holiday parties, huge reservations and the ever popular, New Years Eve.
 I was also probably (ahem) unknowingly self-medicating with alcohol under the guise of the holiday spirit.
Alas
Those night owl days are no longer.
And those hours, without the lifestyle, do not do anyone with SAD any favours. In other words, being a nightowl with a couple to three drinks every night does not a grown up make.

It was by luck that I discovered the early to bed rule.
A work/life obstacle  necessitated me to rise at 5 - 5:30 for a couple weeks to get all chores crossed off the list...well low and behold if I didn't actually feel better, less tired (same amount of sleep) better mood (like NOT wanting to put a bullet in my head) and fewer carb cravings, and the only thing different in my routine/regimen/religion was my sleep time. Bed by 9 - 9:30 and up EARLY (4 -4:30 was common)

So

I stuck with it. Until April-ish and then resumed my usual nighthawkish ways.

The next year (2010) I implemented the early bed - early rise schedule at the end of October. And wouldn't you know the doom n gloom demon stayed away. Sing it with me - - "Awe-some"
(until my whole routine fell apart in late January, then, so did I...but that was last year. Never backwards, always forwards)

This winter the rule is in effect, and I do notice if I sway too much away from it then I start feeling lousy (read: I hate my life) and quickly get back on track.
I've been trying to find some scientific research that helps explain/reason this Tool in my SAD Sack - but nothing has surfaced as of yet.  Instinct says I'm playing a trick on my brain by bookending the short days with night - but there are flaws in the theory -
If I come across some hard proof, I'll be sure to share the link, but for now...perhaps just give it a try for a couple weeks and let me know what you think.

Hip Hip Hooray, it's the Shortest Day

There's not many things that I can get excited about during this time of year.
I always feel so lousy for Christmas and New Years that spending the holidays on my couch, watching surfer movies and surrendering to the un-social side of SAD would be my preference. However, friends and family tend to not entertain this (my) holiday 'tude, and insist I make appearances regardless of my mood.  Making me sometimes wonder if they're all slightly masochistic.

Regardless.
I do get excited about today.
Today is MY Christmas
Today is MY New Year's Eve
Today

is the shortest day of the year.

Meaning -
Tomorrow the days start getting longer.
*exhale*
Awesome.(zero sarcasm)
Today I will walk around with a Mona Lisa smile and know that I made it this far and therefore I can make it the rest of the way out of this winter.

The Cardio Code

Lazy, lethargic, miserable, apathetic, unsocial, passionless and just plain old blechity-bleck-blah.
No desire to work, play or otherwise.
It's an awesome existence, and for those of you who missed it, that  - was complete sarcasm.

If someone told me I could pick one, and just one, of the tools in my SAD sack, Cardio would be it.
Vitamin D is a god-send and it's hard to imagine winter without it, BUT, a winter without any form of cardio would literally be hell-froze over.

Remember all those 'lovely attributes' of Seasonal Affective Disorder, well, I've found that one of the best prescriptions against said attributes, is cardio. And not a leisurely stroll on a treadmill, I'm talkin bout 40-60 minutes of working it and SWEATING - - Every Day.  Yup, every single day.

Now I understand that this could pertain to just me, but I have a feeling it will ring true with more than one of my fellow sufferers. If routine and patterns are my winter friend, then taking a break for a day or two from the cardio, just starts a crap shoot as to what the next day will unfold. So, I chose not to gamble with my sanity and simply find the time (heck who wants to go outside anyways) to work out for at least an hour.  One of the biggest benefits to this chore is the endorphin rush. (insert angels singing) - it kicks the miserable 'tude, the dark and gloomy thoughts, and malaise to the curb and literally lets life shine through.

I know an hour may seem like much to some, but I tried 20 minutes everyday and it didn't work. I upped it to 30, ya, good, but...that pesky 'darkness' peeked through.  40 minutes seemed to be the magic number, 40 and sweat. Sweat meant my heart rate was up and the endorphin was pumping.
(If I remember correctly, one begins to experience an 'endorphin rush' on average, after 20 minutes of moderate (sweating) exercise)  The way I see it, the 20minutes AFTER my endorphins start, are the magic minutes, so sometimes I get 'greedy' (not the right word) and go for another 10 or 15, but heck it's not hurting anyone.

It keeps the demons at bay. 

It combats the fatigue, the pms, the weight gain, the cravings, the depression and for me the dark thoughts. It helps with my productivity, my concentration and my overall health. It IS a Cardio Code. 

The hardest part is starting the everyday routine, especially with everything that works against a SADist (err SADite), I try and start in September, work myself up to it, if you know what I mean. If it 3 weeks to form a habit, then with luck I'm ready when the short days and cold weather hits. 

(For the record - the key word is TRY. It's usually late when I start and my friends and family have to 'remind' me to get crackin)

All I want to wear is Black

Not kidding.
Just black.
Maybe a few things of dark grey-blue.
But mostly black.
I have one black wool sweater I want to wear every day.
I could.
I would be okay with it.
It looks awful on me, but I don't care.
It's warm and black and warm and too big.
There's a note from Happy me to Miserable me that reminds me to wear colour.
Shut up Happy me.
Exhale.
Where is that purple hoodie?

Boom Boom Ain't it Great to be Crazy

I lost my shit the other day.
Like, lost it.
Angry, throwing stuff, crying, raging, mean words, more throwing stuff and wrapped up with the weary despair that follows one of the lovely winter blow outs.
Awesome.
And the best part.
It was over the fact, that the internet was out.
Honest.
Just the internet.
I know, Psycho.

Even while I was raging the sane part of me was trying to talk the SAD part out of the tree...the rational vs the irrational. This all went down a couple days ago, and now sitting here typing this...I can't even explain how those sessions begin and I really, really, really wish they didn't happen.
I can tell you that, somewhere at the core, it was over routine.

You see,  one of my not-so-secrets to dealing with my Seasonal Affective Disorder is getting into a routine and sticking to it.
Up early
Workout
Breakfast
Work
Clean
Chores
TV/Movies/Book
Bed Early
    Each of those have their own routine - for example, Breakfast, is always protein, no carbs, pretty much all protein. And a coffee.

So you see, when I do my much needed and winter weapon cardio, I watch tv shows on my iPaddoodle. (yes it has a name) this requires internet. No internet, no tv shows, no shows, no entertainment on the recumbent bike. That's all it took (in my mind) to blow my routine to hell.
And off I went. Like a rocket.
I know, I know, I could have listened to music or saved podcasts or move a tv in there (bless my Dood for being willing to move a very large tv into the gym) but my psycho self  was not only in the middle of a rage but also being incredibly difficult. (not one of my endearing qualities)
  It ruined my day.  
I tried to fill the proverbial glass.  But it wasn't happening.
So I did what any self respecting female would do.
I climbed into the bottom of a bottle of wine and went to bed.

The meltdowns are part of SAD, I don't rage in the summer, I just don't. It never occurs to me, I roll with things and find and alternate solution.
I share because it's part of the package, and I don't want anyone to think I've found all the solutions.
I just have tools to help me get through and every now and then I get reminded of how bad it COULD be and how bad it was without my winter routine.

Boom Boom ain't it GREAT to be crazy!

The Vitamin D Dictate

This is a pretty big subject, and I know I'm not going to be able to share all perspectives and research. Nor do I claim to be a nutritionist, doctor or homeopath. What I will do is share with you my own research, my observations and the results from experimenting with my machine.

So let's start with some basics.

One of the lovely (sarcasm) attributes of SAD is depression.
Those affected by SAD tend to have the low (depressive) cycle in the winter.
Winter tends to be when most people tend to stay indoors. (because it's cold, often gloomy AND if your depressed one REALLY doesn't want to go out...anywhere)
Vitamin D, the sunshine vitamin, has be shown to have a relationship with depression.


Years ago (5 to be exact) a friend whose father is very, very smart on all things animal, vegetable and mineral suggested that I start taking Vitamin D in the winter.  "It'll help", he said.
So I did.  and it does, says I.

Now this is where I may get some flack but I'll explain what I know to be true  - and try and provide links for my reasoning.

I take anywhere between 4000 and 5000IU of Vitamin D  a day. Yup per day.

RDA is 600IU for anyone 9 years or older.  The Upper Limit is 4000IU per day

Age	Daily Vitamin D, in IUs
	AI	EAR	RDA	UL
0-6 Mths	400	-	-	1000
6-12 Mths	400	-	-	1500
1-3 Yrs	-	400	600	2500
4-8 Yrs	-	400	600	3000
9-69 Yrs	-	400	600	4000
> 70 Yrs	-	400	800	4000

Canada and therefore those who live here doesn't actually get enough winter 'sunlight' days to produce even the RDA of Vitamin D - so a regular supplement is advised.  

And the short version of my story for today is that it seems you can't have too much. Well, it would take A LOT (10,000IU+) to have too much. So I take the Upper limit and sometimes even a little more pending what my social habits have been up to (aka drinking) as it appears alcohol consumption actually pulls Vitamin D out of your system in order to be metabolized.  (This is an important bit of information that I'll get back to)  I should mention, that I did notice a weird feelings in my eyes/eyelids when I took more than 6000IU 3 or 4 days in a row, but the weird eye stuff went away as soon as returned to 4000IU. *shrugs* could be coincidence but I doubt it.

Needless to say as soon as I get those aforementioned mushroom cravings - I start taking my Vitamin D, religiously.
It helps.
A lot.
Lives and friendships have been saved because of it.
And I notice a big difference when I don't take it.

Not to mention Vitamin D seems to have all kinds of extra advantages!

See what Dr Oz, has to say.

Small Dark Corner

It took years to make the connection. But once I did, holy moly, it was glaringly evident and in hindsight I have no idea how I missed it.

October faithfully arrives and I begin to crave
mushrooms.
On everything.
Mushroom burgers
Mushroom soup
Mushroom omelettes
Sauteed mushrooms
Grilled mushrooms
Marinated mushrooms
Breakfast   Lunch   Dinner

Mushrooms

Mushrooms

Mushrooms

Google and I spent a few moments together to query my mushroom affections and you know what I found out?


Mushrooms have something which no other vegetables or fruit contain.
Vitamin D
Pretty awesome eh?
Those fantastic flavorful fungus that grow in dark and damp spaces are the only things in the produce section that contain the same vitamin that the sun provides. Natures irony.   I love it.

Be it true or coincidence that my machine knew, before my knowledge centre did, that Vitamin D  could be drawn from mushrooms and therefore kicked up the cravings, I will never really know. But my instinct says, "heck ya, the machine knew and good for me for paying attention"

The human body, as a machine, will always impress me by it's design and function. Always


For the fact finders, let me save you some time.

Here's the highlight reel of Mushrooms nutritional value:

Low in fat, calories, sodium and carbohydrates
Most have protein, and by dry weight, what one would consider high content, around 20-30%
They have fiber - and we all know fiber is your friend
Niacin and B Vitamins - B's are usually found in animal tissue, not vegetation.

My favorite Vitamin, Vitamin D, which can have a RDA content of anywhere from 4 to 13%  pending on variety.  The lowest being the white button mushroom, however, scientists have discovered when mushrooms are exposed to ultraviolet B radiation (light) the Vitamin D content goes up dramatically! I have even heard rumour of a company with a portobello with 100% of the RDA. Haven't seen it, but I've heard about it....

Copper (who would have thunk they would have copper??) - helps absorb oxygen and create red blood cells
Potassium, which keeps cells functioning properly and help regulates blood pressure. I read somewhere that a large portobello has more potassium than a banana! (mmm  a grilled marinated portobello with a smear of goat cheese)
The great antioxidant Selenium is found at a higher percentage than any other form of produce.  As well as other important minerals, phosphorous, zinc and magnesium

So you see, fellow SADists...er...SADites...mushrooms = goodness. Make friends with them.

Now, years after my 'discovery' I use my mushroom cravings as a seasonal early warning sign to start taking my Vitamin D supplements and indulge in some of my own tried and true comfort food.

Cream of Mushroom soup a la lazy.
Re hydrate your choice of mushroom blend - aim for a couple cups
  a mix of shiitaki, portobello, chantrelle and oyster would be awesome

Once mushrooms are rehydrated and drained
in a soup pot
saute (in butter with a little olive oil (oh yes!) one diced onion and the mushrooms.
add a clove or two of diced garlic (or cheat with roast garlic in a tube)
some salt and pepper
and saute until mushrooms are cooked.

then add a couple cups of broth (your choice - I usually use whatever is open in the fridge)
a can of cream of mushroom soup
stir
simmer 5 min or so
get the hand blender out, and cream that soup.
mmm, smells good.
too thick? add a little more broth
too thin? add another can of mushroom soup
now add a splash or two of soya sauce,  yup soya sauce, i recommend kikoman's

ta da.
soup done.
it's too easy to warrant all the complements i get...(i think (know) it's the soya, they just can't put their finger on the flavour *wink* )

 - if you do suffer from SAD, avoid the habit of bread with soup,
a couple croutons are fine but bread - don't even think about it
trust me, I'll explain later

Good Times Baby, Good times.

Ed-u-ma-cation of the ESS-AYE-DEE

I have empathy for those who deal with bipolar issues. Serious, to the core, empathy.

I often feel this shitty SAD stuff is similar to being bipolar - just on a really long cycle...  

And then, I  count my blessings and consider myself lucky that I'm not bipolar, because speeding this cycle up - wowzers! that would be a real bitch of a ride.

The analogy popped up one time while I was trying to answer questions from inquiring minds; and I discovered that comparing SAD to bipolar does a good job of giving people an immediate frame of reference. Bipolar is fairly well known, and it then gives a starting point for the rest of the conversation.   After all, it didn't take long for me to realize my affliction was easily brushed over if I even thought about trying to ramp up a description that included the words 'winter blues'. 

So for your inquiring mind the below list pretty much encompasses all the lovely attributes associated with Seasonal Affective Disorder. I am blessed with all but two of the symptoms, I've never been bothered by joint pain nor have I had a low resistance to infection...but let me tell ya, I have a solid hold on the rest of the list.  

•         A change in sleeping patterns (oversleep, can't get out of bed, needing a daily nap, and still not feeling refreshed)
•          Extreme fatigue
•          increased appetite
•          increased craving for carbohydrates (especially in evening)
•          weight gain
•          decreased concentration
•          decreased libido
•          withdrawal from family & friends
•          feelings of depression, anxiety & irritability - you experience feelings of despair, guilt, anxiety and hopelessness
•          Everyday chores become very hard
•          Lack of feeling/emotion
•          Joint pain
•          Stomach problems
•          Lowered resistance to infection
•          Behavioural problems (usually in young people)
•          P.M.S. that gets worse or only happens during the winter
•          A decrease in productivity
•          Feeling sad all the time

I know that a lot of people will look at that list and say "ah just shake it off, cheer up, it's all mind over matter or ignore it" well for those of us that know, it just ain't that easy, and I  dare you to try and tell me to 'shake it off' in the middle of January. In fact I double dare you, but let the record show that 'cranky" is an understatement. *evil grin*

But 

I have found tricks and ways and handy habits to help keep my miserable monster at bay. 

This project is to share those tricks and tidbits, help others, help myself and maybe find a giggle or two in the misery.

and... here we go again.

To get this blog up to 2011 speed - lets do a quick recap. Last year this time, I was in the first month of my dream job, since then...dream job not so dreamy, was a big ol mess actually.

 By June I parted ways, for an unexpected, awesome opportunity in beautiful Muskoka. Now I sit in the opportunity's office and watch the seasons first real snowfall accumulate.
And ya know, it's kinda pretty. There's more green and less brown making it almost a welcome visual.

Of course I did just finish an hour and a half work out so I may be viewing the world through endorphin ramped optics but I'll take it. Any sort of glass half full is a a good half full.

I was a little lazy getting my routine organized this year and had myself convinced as I sometimes do, that I can ignore my known 'winter rules' and just keep on rolling.

 It back fired.
 I crashed.

And was in midst of a spiral when by the luck of mother nature we got a couple unseasonably nice days which snapped me out of it.

Now, no bread, few carbs, easy on the alcohol, exercise, light therapy, vitamin D, B complex, and tanning. Oh and to bed early  and up early.  I know it sounds like a diet to loose weight...but that's not it.

However weight loss is an great side effect and considering my aforementioned crash added 10lbs, I will take any dropped pound in my favour.

I am just trying to keep myself from  loathing my existence...as it's just such a great way to spend your winter (sarcasm)

I'm very grateful for that warm spell, it motivated me into action. I had meatballs and sauce for lunch, a hour on the bike and 4000iu of VitD - strange things to be happy about,  but because of those things

 - today is pretty.

The first snowfall is NOT a death sentence