Like, lost it.
Angry, throwing stuff, crying, raging, mean words, more throwing stuff and wrapped up with the weary despair that follows one of the lovely winter blow outs.
Awesome.
And the best part.
It was over the fact, that the internet was out.
Honest.
Just the internet.
I know, Psycho.
Even while I was raging the sane part of me was trying to talk the SAD part out of the tree...the rational vs the irrational. This all went down a couple days ago, and now sitting here typing this...I can't even explain how those sessions begin and I really, really, really wish they didn't happen.
I can tell you that, somewhere at the core, it was over routine.
You see, one of my not-so-secrets to dealing with my Seasonal Affective Disorder is getting into a routine and sticking to it.
Up early
Workout
Breakfast
Work
Clean
Chores
TV/Movies/Book
Bed Early
Each of those have their own routine - for example, Breakfast, is always protein, no carbs, pretty much all protein. And a coffee.
So you see, when I do my much needed and winter weapon cardio, I watch tv shows on my iPaddoodle. (yes it has a name) this requires internet. No internet, no tv shows, no shows, no entertainment on the recumbent bike. That's all it took (in my mind) to blow my routine to hell.
And off I went. Like a rocket.
I know, I know, I could have listened to music or saved podcasts or move a tv in there (bless my Dood for being willing to move a very large tv into the gym) but my psycho self was not only in the middle of a rage but also being incredibly difficult. (not one of my endearing qualities)
It ruined my day.
I tried to fill the proverbial glass. But it wasn't happening.
So I did what any self respecting female would do.
I climbed into the bottom of a bottle of wine and went to bed.
The meltdowns are part of SAD, I don't rage in the summer, I just don't. It never occurs to me, I roll with things and find and alternate solution.
I share because it's part of the package, and I don't want anyone to think I've found all the solutions.
I just have tools to help me get through and every now and then I get reminded of how bad it COULD be and how bad it was without my winter routine.
Boom Boom ain't it GREAT to be crazy!
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