All I want to wear is Black

Not kidding.
Just black.
Maybe a few things of dark grey-blue.
But mostly black.
I have one black wool sweater I want to wear every day.
I could.
I would be okay with it.
It looks awful on me, but I don't care.
It's warm and black and warm and too big.
There's a note from Happy me to Miserable me that reminds me to wear colour.
Shut up Happy me.
Exhale.
Where is that purple hoodie?

Boom Boom Ain't it Great to be Crazy

I lost my shit the other day.
Like, lost it.
Angry, throwing stuff, crying, raging, mean words, more throwing stuff and wrapped up with the weary despair that follows one of the lovely winter blow outs.
Awesome.
And the best part.
It was over the fact, that the internet was out.
Honest.
Just the internet.
I know, Psycho.

Even while I was raging the sane part of me was trying to talk the SAD part out of the tree...the rational vs the irrational. This all went down a couple days ago, and now sitting here typing this...I can't even explain how those sessions begin and I really, really, really wish they didn't happen.
I can tell you that, somewhere at the core, it was over routine.

You see,  one of my not-so-secrets to dealing with my Seasonal Affective Disorder is getting into a routine and sticking to it.
Up early
Workout
Breakfast
Work
Clean
Chores
TV/Movies/Book
Bed Early
    Each of those have their own routine - for example, Breakfast, is always protein, no carbs, pretty much all protein. And a coffee.

So you see, when I do my much needed and winter weapon cardio, I watch tv shows on my iPaddoodle. (yes it has a name) this requires internet. No internet, no tv shows, no shows, no entertainment on the recumbent bike. That's all it took (in my mind) to blow my routine to hell.
And off I went. Like a rocket.
I know, I know, I could have listened to music or saved podcasts or move a tv in there (bless my Dood for being willing to move a very large tv into the gym) but my psycho self  was not only in the middle of a rage but also being incredibly difficult. (not one of my endearing qualities)
  It ruined my day.  
I tried to fill the proverbial glass.  But it wasn't happening.
So I did what any self respecting female would do.
I climbed into the bottom of a bottle of wine and went to bed.

The meltdowns are part of SAD, I don't rage in the summer, I just don't. It never occurs to me, I roll with things and find and alternate solution.
I share because it's part of the package, and I don't want anyone to think I've found all the solutions.
I just have tools to help me get through and every now and then I get reminded of how bad it COULD be and how bad it was without my winter routine.

Boom Boom ain't it GREAT to be crazy!

The Vitamin D Dictate

This is a pretty big subject, and I know I'm not going to be able to share all perspectives and research. Nor do I claim to be a nutritionist, doctor or homeopath. What I will do is share with you my own research, my observations and the results from experimenting with my machine.

So let's start with some basics.

One of the lovely (sarcasm) attributes of SAD is depression.
Those affected by SAD tend to have the low (depressive) cycle in the winter.
Winter tends to be when most people tend to stay indoors. (because it's cold, often gloomy AND if your depressed one REALLY doesn't want to go out...anywhere)
Vitamin D, the sunshine vitamin, has be shown to have a relationship with depression.


Years ago (5 to be exact) a friend whose father is very, very smart on all things animal, vegetable and mineral suggested that I start taking Vitamin D in the winter.  "It'll help", he said.
So I did.  and it does, says I.

Now this is where I may get some flack but I'll explain what I know to be true  - and try and provide links for my reasoning.

I take anywhere between 4000 and 5000IU of Vitamin D  a day. Yup per day.

RDA is 600IU for anyone 9 years or older.  The Upper Limit is 4000IU per day

Age	Daily Vitamin D, in IUs
	AI	EAR	RDA	UL
0-6 Mths	400	-	-	1000
6-12 Mths	400	-	-	1500
1-3 Yrs	-	400	600	2500
4-8 Yrs	-	400	600	3000
9-69 Yrs	-	400	600	4000
> 70 Yrs	-	400	800	4000

Canada and therefore those who live here doesn't actually get enough winter 'sunlight' days to produce even the RDA of Vitamin D - so a regular supplement is advised.  

And the short version of my story for today is that it seems you can't have too much. Well, it would take A LOT (10,000IU+) to have too much. So I take the Upper limit and sometimes even a little more pending what my social habits have been up to (aka drinking) as it appears alcohol consumption actually pulls Vitamin D out of your system in order to be metabolized.  (This is an important bit of information that I'll get back to)  I should mention, that I did notice a weird feelings in my eyes/eyelids when I took more than 6000IU 3 or 4 days in a row, but the weird eye stuff went away as soon as returned to 4000IU. *shrugs* could be coincidence but I doubt it.

Needless to say as soon as I get those aforementioned mushroom cravings - I start taking my Vitamin D, religiously.
It helps.
A lot.
Lives and friendships have been saved because of it.
And I notice a big difference when I don't take it.

Not to mention Vitamin D seems to have all kinds of extra advantages!

See what Dr Oz, has to say.

Small Dark Corner

It took years to make the connection. But once I did, holy moly, it was glaringly evident and in hindsight I have no idea how I missed it.

October faithfully arrives and I begin to crave
mushrooms.
On everything.
Mushroom burgers
Mushroom soup
Mushroom omelettes
Sauteed mushrooms
Grilled mushrooms
Marinated mushrooms
Breakfast   Lunch   Dinner

Mushrooms

Mushrooms

Mushrooms

Google and I spent a few moments together to query my mushroom affections and you know what I found out?


Mushrooms have something which no other vegetables or fruit contain.
Vitamin D
Pretty awesome eh?
Those fantastic flavorful fungus that grow in dark and damp spaces are the only things in the produce section that contain the same vitamin that the sun provides. Natures irony.   I love it.

Be it true or coincidence that my machine knew, before my knowledge centre did, that Vitamin D  could be drawn from mushrooms and therefore kicked up the cravings, I will never really know. But my instinct says, "heck ya, the machine knew and good for me for paying attention"

The human body, as a machine, will always impress me by it's design and function. Always


For the fact finders, let me save you some time.

Here's the highlight reel of Mushrooms nutritional value:

Low in fat, calories, sodium and carbohydrates
Most have protein, and by dry weight, what one would consider high content, around 20-30%
They have fiber - and we all know fiber is your friend
Niacin and B Vitamins - B's are usually found in animal tissue, not vegetation.

My favorite Vitamin, Vitamin D, which can have a RDA content of anywhere from 4 to 13%  pending on variety.  The lowest being the white button mushroom, however, scientists have discovered when mushrooms are exposed to ultraviolet B radiation (light) the Vitamin D content goes up dramatically! I have even heard rumour of a company with a portobello with 100% of the RDA. Haven't seen it, but I've heard about it....

Copper (who would have thunk they would have copper??) - helps absorb oxygen and create red blood cells
Potassium, which keeps cells functioning properly and help regulates blood pressure. I read somewhere that a large portobello has more potassium than a banana! (mmm  a grilled marinated portobello with a smear of goat cheese)
The great antioxidant Selenium is found at a higher percentage than any other form of produce.  As well as other important minerals, phosphorous, zinc and magnesium

So you see, fellow SADists...er...SADites...mushrooms = goodness. Make friends with them.

Now, years after my 'discovery' I use my mushroom cravings as a seasonal early warning sign to start taking my Vitamin D supplements and indulge in some of my own tried and true comfort food.

Cream of Mushroom soup a la lazy.
Re hydrate your choice of mushroom blend - aim for a couple cups
  a mix of shiitaki, portobello, chantrelle and oyster would be awesome

Once mushrooms are rehydrated and drained
in a soup pot
saute (in butter with a little olive oil (oh yes!) one diced onion and the mushrooms.
add a clove or two of diced garlic (or cheat with roast garlic in a tube)
some salt and pepper
and saute until mushrooms are cooked.

then add a couple cups of broth (your choice - I usually use whatever is open in the fridge)
a can of cream of mushroom soup
stir
simmer 5 min or so
get the hand blender out, and cream that soup.
mmm, smells good.
too thick? add a little more broth
too thin? add another can of mushroom soup
now add a splash or two of soya sauce,  yup soya sauce, i recommend kikoman's

ta da.
soup done.
it's too easy to warrant all the complements i get...(i think (know) it's the soya, they just can't put their finger on the flavour *wink* )

 - if you do suffer from SAD, avoid the habit of bread with soup,
a couple croutons are fine but bread - don't even think about it
trust me, I'll explain later

Good Times Baby, Good times.

Ed-u-ma-cation of the ESS-AYE-DEE

I have empathy for those who deal with bipolar issues. Serious, to the core, empathy.

I often feel this shitty SAD stuff is similar to being bipolar - just on a really long cycle...  

And then, I  count my blessings and consider myself lucky that I'm not bipolar, because speeding this cycle up - wowzers! that would be a real bitch of a ride.

The analogy popped up one time while I was trying to answer questions from inquiring minds; and I discovered that comparing SAD to bipolar does a good job of giving people an immediate frame of reference. Bipolar is fairly well known, and it then gives a starting point for the rest of the conversation.   After all, it didn't take long for me to realize my affliction was easily brushed over if I even thought about trying to ramp up a description that included the words 'winter blues'. 

So for your inquiring mind the below list pretty much encompasses all the lovely attributes associated with Seasonal Affective Disorder. I am blessed with all but two of the symptoms, I've never been bothered by joint pain nor have I had a low resistance to infection...but let me tell ya, I have a solid hold on the rest of the list.  

•         A change in sleeping patterns (oversleep, can't get out of bed, needing a daily nap, and still not feeling refreshed)
•          Extreme fatigue
•          increased appetite
•          increased craving for carbohydrates (especially in evening)
•          weight gain
•          decreased concentration
•          decreased libido
•          withdrawal from family & friends
•          feelings of depression, anxiety & irritability - you experience feelings of despair, guilt, anxiety and hopelessness
•          Everyday chores become very hard
•          Lack of feeling/emotion
•          Joint pain
•          Stomach problems
•          Lowered resistance to infection
•          Behavioural problems (usually in young people)
•          P.M.S. that gets worse or only happens during the winter
•          A decrease in productivity
•          Feeling sad all the time

I know that a lot of people will look at that list and say "ah just shake it off, cheer up, it's all mind over matter or ignore it" well for those of us that know, it just ain't that easy, and I  dare you to try and tell me to 'shake it off' in the middle of January. In fact I double dare you, but let the record show that 'cranky" is an understatement. *evil grin*

But 

I have found tricks and ways and handy habits to help keep my miserable monster at bay. 

This project is to share those tricks and tidbits, help others, help myself and maybe find a giggle or two in the misery.

and... here we go again.

To get this blog up to 2011 speed - lets do a quick recap. Last year this time, I was in the first month of my dream job, since then...dream job not so dreamy, was a big ol mess actually.

 By June I parted ways, for an unexpected, awesome opportunity in beautiful Muskoka. Now I sit in the opportunity's office and watch the seasons first real snowfall accumulate.
And ya know, it's kinda pretty. There's more green and less brown making it almost a welcome visual.

Of course I did just finish an hour and a half work out so I may be viewing the world through endorphin ramped optics but I'll take it. Any sort of glass half full is a a good half full.

I was a little lazy getting my routine organized this year and had myself convinced as I sometimes do, that I can ignore my known 'winter rules' and just keep on rolling.

 It back fired.
 I crashed.

And was in midst of a spiral when by the luck of mother nature we got a couple unseasonably nice days which snapped me out of it.

Now, no bread, few carbs, easy on the alcohol, exercise, light therapy, vitamin D, B complex, and tanning. Oh and to bed early  and up early.  I know it sounds like a diet to loose weight...but that's not it.

However weight loss is an great side effect and considering my aforementioned crash added 10lbs, I will take any dropped pound in my favour.

I am just trying to keep myself from  loathing my existence...as it's just such a great way to spend your winter (sarcasm)

I'm very grateful for that warm spell, it motivated me into action. I had meatballs and sauce for lunch, a hour on the bike and 4000iu of VitD - strange things to be happy about,  but because of those things

 - today is pretty.

The first snowfall is NOT a death sentence