Practice what you preach

While yammering on the phone with my Bestie yesterday...hmm let me rephrase that.
While on the phone with my Bestie yesterday and bitching about this, that and everything else.
Two things happened.
1) I realized I was well into a downward spiral
and
2) It appears I am very funny while in that (this) place, as she puts it "you should have your own radio show when you're moodin' like this."

Awesome. *shaking head*
The phrase "can't win for loosin" screams across my thoughts.

I haven't worked out over a week.

8 days actually. 

8 fucking days. 

I'm an idiot. 

I know, I know.  I talk a good game, but the fucking holidays and traveling, and house guests and and and excuse excuse excuse.

Then it snowed and dropped to -16C  UGH

The glass is half empty, everyone is either stupid or an asshole or a stupid asshole, nothing is reasonable and my poor Dood just doesn't know what to do.   I'm days away from a crash and burn, self medicating mess on the couch. (and NO I am NOT p.m.s.ing)

*shaking head*  8 fucking days - I really am an idiot sometimes. *exhale*

The good news is, that even after my fair share of last nights bottle of wine, there was 50 minutes of cardio this morning and if I get another 45-50 in later today, maybe I can nip this in the bud. 

And if I can't, anyone know how to get into radio?

The Cardio Code

Lazy, lethargic, miserable, apathetic, unsocial, passionless and just plain old blechity-bleck-blah.
No desire to work, play or otherwise.
It's an awesome existence, and for those of you who missed it, that  - was complete sarcasm.

If someone told me I could pick one, and just one, of the tools in my SAD sack, Cardio would be it.
Vitamin D is a god-send and it's hard to imagine winter without it, BUT, a winter without any form of cardio would literally be hell-froze over.

Remember all those 'lovely attributes' of Seasonal Affective Disorder, well, I've found that one of the best prescriptions against said attributes, is cardio. And not a leisurely stroll on a treadmill, I'm talkin bout 40-60 minutes of working it and SWEATING - - Every Day.  Yup, every single day.

Now I understand that this could pertain to just me, but I have a feeling it will ring true with more than one of my fellow sufferers. If routine and patterns are my winter friend, then taking a break for a day or two from the cardio, just starts a crap shoot as to what the next day will unfold. So, I chose not to gamble with my sanity and simply find the time (heck who wants to go outside anyways) to work out for at least an hour.  One of the biggest benefits to this chore is the endorphin rush. (insert angels singing) - it kicks the miserable 'tude, the dark and gloomy thoughts, and malaise to the curb and literally lets life shine through.

I know an hour may seem like much to some, but I tried 20 minutes everyday and it didn't work. I upped it to 30, ya, good, but...that pesky 'darkness' peeked through.  40 minutes seemed to be the magic number, 40 and sweat. Sweat meant my heart rate was up and the endorphin was pumping.
(If I remember correctly, one begins to experience an 'endorphin rush' on average, after 20 minutes of moderate (sweating) exercise)  The way I see it, the 20minutes AFTER my endorphins start, are the magic minutes, so sometimes I get 'greedy' (not the right word) and go for another 10 or 15, but heck it's not hurting anyone.

It keeps the demons at bay. 

It combats the fatigue, the pms, the weight gain, the cravings, the depression and for me the dark thoughts. It helps with my productivity, my concentration and my overall health. It IS a Cardio Code. 

The hardest part is starting the everyday routine, especially with everything that works against a SADist (err SADite), I try and start in September, work myself up to it, if you know what I mean. If it 3 weeks to form a habit, then with luck I'm ready when the short days and cold weather hits. 

(For the record - the key word is TRY. It's usually late when I start and my friends and family have to 'remind' me to get crackin)

Boom Boom Ain't it Great to be Crazy

I lost my shit the other day.
Like, lost it.
Angry, throwing stuff, crying, raging, mean words, more throwing stuff and wrapped up with the weary despair that follows one of the lovely winter blow outs.
Awesome.
And the best part.
It was over the fact, that the internet was out.
Honest.
Just the internet.
I know, Psycho.

Even while I was raging the sane part of me was trying to talk the SAD part out of the tree...the rational vs the irrational. This all went down a couple days ago, and now sitting here typing this...I can't even explain how those sessions begin and I really, really, really wish they didn't happen.
I can tell you that, somewhere at the core, it was over routine.

You see,  one of my not-so-secrets to dealing with my Seasonal Affective Disorder is getting into a routine and sticking to it.
Up early
Workout
Breakfast
Work
Clean
Chores
TV/Movies/Book
Bed Early
    Each of those have their own routine - for example, Breakfast, is always protein, no carbs, pretty much all protein. And a coffee.

So you see, when I do my much needed and winter weapon cardio, I watch tv shows on my iPaddoodle. (yes it has a name) this requires internet. No internet, no tv shows, no shows, no entertainment on the recumbent bike. That's all it took (in my mind) to blow my routine to hell.
And off I went. Like a rocket.
I know, I know, I could have listened to music or saved podcasts or move a tv in there (bless my Dood for being willing to move a very large tv into the gym) but my psycho self  was not only in the middle of a rage but also being incredibly difficult. (not one of my endearing qualities)
  It ruined my day.  
I tried to fill the proverbial glass.  But it wasn't happening.
So I did what any self respecting female would do.
I climbed into the bottom of a bottle of wine and went to bed.

The meltdowns are part of SAD, I don't rage in the summer, I just don't. It never occurs to me, I roll with things and find and alternate solution.
I share because it's part of the package, and I don't want anyone to think I've found all the solutions.
I just have tools to help me get through and every now and then I get reminded of how bad it COULD be and how bad it was without my winter routine.

Boom Boom ain't it GREAT to be crazy!