On more than one occasion I have referred to 'self medicating on the couch'. For those of you that can't read between the lines and all the references to wine, let me be a little more clear.
I drown my seasonal sorrows,
I saddle up to my friend called Vino,
I embrace my old habits and give (dive) into a bottle of preferred Pinot Grigio.
Yup. I do.
Sometimes it is the only thing that makes the miserable blahness go away. And I don't care what anyone else thinks, they are not the ones observing the thought that screams across my brain that suggests driving into a post is a good idea. (I observe these thoughts, I don't act on them, but they are disturbing nonetheless)
I know that alcohol is a depressant and counter productive to my mindset. I know.
I know that one bottle a week is not in the dangerous levels of 'self help'
I know that the bottle EVERY night of the week is dangerous and thank goodness those 'self help' days are over, they were dark!
The gloomy truth that I have been afraid to admit to many, is that when I first came back to my Canadian home, after spending many years in a winterless sub-tropical climate, the SAD gripped me hard. VERY hard. It was a bad scene in my head and I turned into a self-medicating mess. Awesome. (yup, sarcasm) The scary part is, I must have hid it pretty well, or no one actually cared, because I think if they would have known, it would have been an intervention for sure.
Man, that seems like a long time ago. Regardless of the extra weight all that alcohol caused (that I can't get rid of) I am still pretty happy to have survived it. Seriously. It has lead me to do the occasional research on the co-relation between SAD, alcohol, Vitamin D, and other external factors, and I have found an interesting thread between it all, or maybe not a thread, maybe more
like a vicious antagonizing chain reaction.
Things like this:
Seasonal Affective Disorder and alcohol appear to go hand in hand (duh! it took a team of scientists to figure that out?)
PMS gets worse in the winter for SAD sufferers > really bad PMS can trigger alcohol CRAVINGS > alcohol processing depletes your machine of important vitamins including Vitamin D > low vitamin D may increase feelings of depression
alcohol processing can and often stimulate the desire for carbs and fatty foods > carbs and the alcohol mess with your blood sugar > blood sugar fluctuations can affect mood > SAD(ists) do NOT need any more 'help' with mood fluctuations > carbs > blood sugar > mood > alcohol and so on
there is this weird 'window' when alcohol cravings are at a peak > a drink during this time will turn into 5, a drink outside of this time and the drink won't be finished.
alcohol is a sedative > makes you tired > makes you think you're sleeping > it's not a 'good' sleep > people with Seasonal Affective Disorder have sleep issues anyways > the two side effects don't mix.
And that's just the tip of it all. But the short version of the story is that alcohol, regardless of my self medicating days, is not my friend. Wine, as much as it's claimed to be 'the nectar of the gods' is NOT a tool in my SAD sack.
It is weakness, it is surrendering, it is self pity and it is wallowing in my winter misery.
It is what it is
Just as long as it is only once in a while
